Imam Abdeljalil Mezgouri, a spiritual leader of the Islamic Center of San Diego in Clairemont, keeps no tissues in his office because he sees tears as an expression of mercy, encouraging people to cry openly and fully embrace their emotions without feeling the need to wipe them away or hide them.
The Moroccan-born cleric at the largest mosque in San Diego County has spent nearly 40 years counseling people through the complexities of grief, offering both theological guidance and emotional support.
In Islam, death is not seen as an end but rather as a transition to another stage of existence. The Quran, which Muslims believe is the final revelation from God, consistently reminds adherents of Islam that life on Earth is temporary. According to Mezgouri, this understanding can be a source of great comfort.
“When you were born, you came with an expiration date,” he said. “Nobody can add one minute to their life or take one away. But death is not the end of the journey; this life is our shortest chapter, and when we die, the soul splits from the body.”
Mezgouri explained how this belief removes the randomness often associated with loss and provides a framework in which grief can be understood not as a punishment but as part of divine decree. Islam teaches that the soul does not die but enters a different realm known as Al-Barzakh, a waiting period before resurrection and eternal life.
The imam emphasized that while death is inevitable, how one processes grief is crucial, distinguishing between sadness and anger.
“Sadness is natural and even the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, cried when his son died. But anger is discouraged as it questions God’s wisdom,” Mezgouri said.
Mourning from three days to months on end is encouraged, according to the imam, with family and community support playing a vital role.
Mezgouri said comforting the grieving involves being present and communicating with their heart, as healing takes time and the heart moves slower than the mind.
“If the mind moves at 100 miles an hour, the heart moves at 5 miles an hour,” he said.
The cleric frequently encounters people struggling with the weight of grief, often leading to anxiety or depression. He believes the root of much suffering lies in a misplaced focus on the past or future.
“Many people are stuck in the past, unable to move on or they live in fear of what the future holds. But life is in the moment,” Mezgouri said.
To help people cope, he emphasizes the Islamic concept of Qadr (predestination).
“God already knows what will happen and everything is according to his wisdom. Trusting in God’s plan brings peace,” Mezgouri said.
He critiques secular approaches to grief that rely solely on medication or behavioral therapy, arguing that without faith, healing remains incomplete.
“A pill can numb pain, but it doesn’t address the root cause,” he said. “True healing comes when the heart accepts God’s decree.”
A great strength of the Muslim approach to grief is the support provided by the community, according to Mezgouri. The Islamic tradition encourages family and friends to rally around those who have lost a loved one. Condolence visits, prayer gatherings and acts of charity in the name of the deceased are ways in which the community offers comfort.
The imam stressed that staying connected to faith through prayer, reading the Quran and engaging in acts of kindness can help alleviate grief.
“By remembering God and serving others, we find healing,” he said.
Despite the pain of loss, Mezgouri assures the grieving that God’s mercy is vast and that the trials of this world are temporary.
“This life is not the resting place; it is the testing place,” he said. “The resting place is eternal life.”
Mezgouri explained both good and bad events serve as tests from God to gauge our responses. He emphasized that gratitude in times of blessing and patience in times of hardship are key to passing the test, as life’s challenges are inevitable.
His message is one of optimism for those struggling with grief.
“Acceptance is the key to a happy life,” Mezgouri said. “When we surrender to God’s wisdom, we find peace.”